Talking On The Phone
by Alex Driver
If you're going to text a girl to ask her on a date, it's probably a good bet that you would be better off calling her. The reason being, you come off less passive and more assertive when you call. Also it's harder for her to deflect and blow you off.
Calling Instead Of Texting
You should be calling chicks to set things up. There are a few things you always need to keep in mind when you have a woman on the phone, and they’re the same fundamentals guys get reminded of every time someone breaks down why that text less rock more dates mindset works better than endless messaging.
Smile
Even if you aren't full on, goofy smiling, you should have a more confident and happy look on your face. Smiling and being an upbeat and confident guy is attractive; moreover, it is something that will be heavily telegraphed by your voice. Smiling works both ways: When you're happy, you smile; when you smile, your brain triggers happy feelings (it assumes if you're making that face, you are happy so it responds). Point being, if you smile on the phone you'll sound happier, more energetic, and more outgoing.
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Speak Slowly
Relax, lean back, and speak slowly when you talk to a girl on the phone. Try and eliminate filler words from your speech and lower your voice.
Reframe
When you're in person and you're trying to remain mysterious to a woman through her questioning, you can simply remain silent and give her a good stare. This doesn't work on the phone, however, because silence doesn't indicate that you're being 'mysterious', it indicates that you did not understand or hear her. When a girl shit tests you, or starts asking you personal questions, you should simply reframe to retain that mysterious vibe. Literally change the subject by asking a completely unrelated question.
Tell Her The Next Date
Don't ask, "So when are you free?" Just assume it. "Okay, so hey, listen I'm going to Charley's on Friday -- meet me there about 9." You want to come off as strong and confident, and the way to assume that is to tell her when your next date is. Chances are, if you say it with a solid frame and don't waiver, she'll agree. She senses your leading and her natural instincts kick in and cause her to follow. This is exactly the frame most guys miss when they freeze up on that first phone call to a girl and wonder why she never meets up.
Phone Game Versus Text Game
If you're going to text a girl to ask her on a date, understand that texting is weaker than calling. Texts are easy to ignore, easy to flake on, and easy to overthink. A phone call, even a short one, lets you lead, project your personality, and actually create some tension and fun in real time. That’s why so much solid dating advice still boils down to “make a simple phone call” instead of hiding behind your keyboard, the same way it’s laid out in pieces like win dates and influence women.
When you do use text, use it to support your calls, not replace them. Think of texting as a way to ping her, reference an inside joke, or confirm logistics, not as your main arena for attraction. The longer you hide in text, the more room there is for her to get bored, distracted, or downgrade you to “that guy who just keeps texting.”
Talking On The Phone In Business
Talking on the phone for business is slightly different than it is when you're talking to a woman and trying to get a date. In business phone calls you are usually trying to gain a new client, make a sale, or set an appointment. The key to doing business on the phone is to close fast and close hard.
When conducting business on the phone, the people you're talking to will have no idea who you really are. They won't be able to see you, and the only thing they have to trust and go on is the sound of your voice. They will want to know that you do this sort of thing all the time, and that you are no amateur. So how do you instill that kind of confidence in someone via the phone?
As with talking on the phone to a woman, you want to smile because it does make you more confident and upbeat sounding, but that doesn't mean you need to sound gay or childish -- simply not frustrated.
Another thing you'll want to do is talk fast. You don't want to be speed lighting so that they can't understand you, but you want to make sure that you talk faster than you normally do. Kick it up maybe a notch and a half. This will actually help to instill confidence in your customer because it shows that you know what you're doing because, based on the speed and rhythm of your words, you must say this shit all the time. This is one of the few times that talking with an increased pace on the phone will benefit you and not detract from you.
Keep your voice flat
You don't want to put too much emotion into your words, or too much emphasis on any one thing. You want to keep your voice flat and low -- deeper so it resonates over the phone and your words are clear. You don't want to come off like a zombie when you're attempting to conduct business over the phone, but you do want to sound like you're busy. Meaning, you want to sound like this is a business appointment, and you are trying to get through it to get to your next appointment on time. You don't want to rush them off the phone, but you want to give them the impression that you're a straight shooter who doesn't have a lot of time for bullshit.
Making Phone Skills Second Nature
If you keep these things in mind when you're on the phone -- whether for business or pleasure -- you'll find that you come out on top and accomplishing your initial goals with a greater consistency. As you learn and grow and practice these skills, they'll eventually become a part of you and will just be your natural reflex to these things -- as is the case with everything I teach on this site. That is the end goal: Not having to study or look up the moves because you know them already. Over time, the same “level up, grind, venture forth” mindset guys use to get more phone numbers and dates, the kind laid out in those gamer-to-dater guides like gamers get girls, is exactly how you turn phone work from something awkward into one more part of your game you don’t even have to think about.
