Dating Purgatory
by Alex Driver
Its dawned on me that there’s a special place reserved in dating hell for those of us not in a relationship but not single. This place is called dating purgatory.
The Space In Between : Dating Purgatory
I’ve spent the last month on a dating detox. I started out so optimistic too, read for yourself. In the midst of forsaking all things dating oriented I went on a break. Yes, from a man who I’m not dating. I’ve affectionately referred to him as Big Fun. In the beginning it was fun. Then I decided to nix that and call him Big Disappointment. It went from fun to disappointing. I’ve decided to drop any word after Big from here on out a la’ Sex & the City and go with Big. Why didn’t I think of this sooner? Well because true inspiration happens when and how it happens. You can’t rush it.
We know how the Carrie/Big story goes & how it ends. This however is not that story. Dating outside of the confines of hundreds of pages of a beloved scripted drama goes a little differently. I do think the odds are in our favor to find love however I don’t think it’s with the men we have to put in a headlock to make it happen with.
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Close your eyes and picture, putting the object of your affection in a headlock to get him to feel what you feel. This has basically been my approach.
Needless to say finding myself yet again, all comfy in dating purgatory, isn’t exactly new territory.
One Man’s Perspective
As a woman I think it’s always interesting to take in a mans perspective. A smart single girl has one male confidant she can have weigh in on the happenings, or not so happenings, of her love life. Think about it, the person who told us “He’s Just Not that Into You” was a man. One of the best toasts given in a movie The Wedding Date goes like this, “Here’s to the husbands who’ve won you, the losers who’ve lost you & the lucky bastards who’ve yet to meet you.” This Marie Claire article carries on the theme. A man, his name is Rich, composed a list of the seven most frustrating things about dating. Dating frustration & dating purgatory seem like apples and oranges, right? Right. PS-I counted at least three times and I swear they’re are only six things listed. Let me know how many you count. In the mean time, I’m going to hit the highs at least how I see it.
#1 The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side
Do your married friends tell you how lucky you are to be single? Are your girlfriends tying the knot? My BFF is & I promise you my Pinterest wedding board sees more action than I do, no lie!
#2 It Makes you Feel Bad about Yourself
I picked this one purely for this stat: 90% of both genders suck in some way. Find some solace in the fact it’s okay. We all suck. We’re all crazy & in the words of my Dad, love is about finding someone whose crazy matches your crazy. He’s so crazy he got married for a second time & to my mother nonetheless. You know what they say about the tree & the apple? It’s true.
#3 You Always Want What you Can’t Have
This is my dating MO & the reason I find myself caught in dating purgatory. I can’t have you. I want you. Who needs cupid to blame when you can make shitty decisions all on your own? Not me.
The other three frustrations that made the list are as follows:
#4 Remaining Faithful is Difficult
#5 It’s Beneficial & Detrimental to Have Hope
#6 Someone Usually gets Hurt
Are you frustrated? It’s okay. Dating is frustrating. I don’t think it’s supposed to be though. Dating is supposed to be fun. It should go something like, “Oh, I just met this really cool guy. It’d be cool to see him again.” End scene. But it goes something like, “Oh, I met this really cool guy. Why haven’t I heard from him yet? Did he really like me? Should I text/call him? I wonder what our kids are going to look like?” End scene. Spot the difference there. So my words of wisdom go like this, cool your jets! I’m going to do this the next time I want to board a one way flight to crazyville when it comes to Big. Men are simple. We are not. But you know what we can sure as hell pretend to be!
