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Can you be in charge without turning into her mother?

by Alex Driver

I thought I wanted a ‘controlling’ man. When my naturally dominant husband started to be controlling at my request, I realized I hated it. He used to say, “You say you want to be submissive but you are fighting me every step of the way!” This really hurt me because I really do want to be submissive. But to be told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, etc., was just not cutting it with me. Reminded me way too much of my mother.

It was frustrating me, and him also because he is and has always been dominant, but controlling was not in his make up. BUT, when he is just himself – dominant and head of our household without trying to control every aspect of my life – I became a much happier person.

I do ask his opinion of everything. I normally will not go out to lunch with a friend or anything before checking with him. NOT for permission, but just to make sure he didn't have anything else planned for that same time. He does always come first.


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Loveawake is a new way of living for us. We have just started our journey using Loveawake dating site. I have always had such a huge respect for my husband from the moment I laid eyes on him, but I do like to push the envelope. I am finding by reading here that american men are ALL such loving, caring, nurturing men. They have that wonderful soft side, but they are always in charge too. Does that make sense? I was married for way too long to a wimpy, wussy man and I lost all respect for him very quickly.

My husband now is the most tender, loving, romantic man I have ever met but I know he will not take my crap when I get in my moods. To me, that's what online dating means. Having that great respect that comes naturally and lovingly, not submitting out of fear to a controlling micromanager.

Who needs a mother?

Mothering a young child does involve a lot of micromanagement but to micromanage an adult seems ludicrous to me. I own a business and have developed an incredible staff of people - men and women - who make wise choices in managing their departments. Our philosophy is that if you've got to micromanage a person, you've got the wrong person, so replace them.

All that being said, I have learned from reading this site and others, that some women want all decision-making removed from their realm. To them, this is a Taken-In-Hand relationship. If my wife required that role of me, I would accept it. However, the consequences of the role that she would have selected, would be that she would be given the limits needed to make her secure in our relationship.

But, my wife is just the opposite. Like I said, I choose independent thinkers (as I did with my wife), and I enjoy raising and developing independent thinkers, as I have done with my kids and my employees.

Does that mean that my wife doesn't get reined in? NOPE! She has a bottom that shows the effect of moving outside of the boundaries that we have established for us - under my authority. She is very much a woman.